How can a person be a better parents and a better step parents

The reason why I wont't to do this topic is because my grand children's and some of my friends children,s having this problem with their parent and step parent. I know with my step father I did not like him at all because he did not show any love for my mother children, my mother had 6, children before she got with him and he do not have any children. Maybe that why he did not know how to show use any love he was a very cold man we did not like him at all he was a very lizzy man he did not like to work at all but my mother love him so much we could not understand why she love him like that.But the problem I had with my mother she act like it was not a problem if he did not love her children or not just as long as he show her love . We all had a problem with that because when you have children and you meet a man if he wont to be with you he after to love my children also. That just the way I feel about been with a man. My grand children was the same way with their stepmother my son got marriage twice the first time he had two boys before he got with her. And when he got marriage to her she did not like his boys at all and she show it to and he never did anything about it, so one of his kid ran away from home and start been around trouble kids and start doing the wrong thing it cause him to go to jail and he stay in jail for two years. that was not good.The next time he got marriage he have two girls, and she also had two children and that did not work at at all the children's did not like each other so it was all ways something. I went online to ask a question if you where a parents/Step-parents what would you do. One parent say she have a problem with the step- daughters Mom is always send notes withes her telling us what to do like we have never taken care of a kid before. She say they have a younger child and they are only 6 months apart so we know what we are doing.What you thank about that answer I thank some parents just want to be in control all the time. That just something that I thank, what do you thank I so thank that some parents and some step parents need to stop be so selfish, I thank so step-parents need to stop trying so hard to get the children to like them just be yourself that will help a lot. And remember treat people the way you wont to be treated